I am a victim of a green-eyed monster bite...
Tsk tsk tsk
I've been guilty of doing the big no-no and comparing myself to others. It's so funny because I hate jealousy...yet here I am, being envious. Hey, I'm human, I'm not perfect...so I'm jealous, okay? But what am I jealous of? I'm jealous of the stability and security that everyone else around me has. They all have somewhat stable jobs...or are going to school...dadadadda. Some
have things I wish I had...not material posessions...just...THINGS. Anyway, I'm jealous of the way they feel...in a sense...but I know this is only a feeling and as with all feelings...it'll pass...
A Look in the Mirror...
I've got to admit that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...about my life, where I am, what I've been doing, and where I am headed. The first thought for all three of these things was, "I have no clue." And naturally, the heart starts to race, the mind spins, and I freak out...which lasts about 5-10 minutes. Then, after I settle down and easy my nerves...I slowly answer my own questions...
1) Where am I?
At this particular stage of my life, I realize now that I am in a sort of prepping stage for the next chapter of my life. I'm in the hallway, waiting for the door to open into my next journey. So, things would generally be up in the air, and it would be completely normal to feel as if I was freefalling, not knowing what was going to happen next...the sort-of calm-before-the-storm feeling, so I just have to be patient...and keep praying for patience when I feel like it's running thin...
2) What have I been doing?
When I came to this question, I didn't really know now to answer it. All my life? Last year? Or recently? Well, I came to the conclusion, that at this stage of my life...I would need to answer it in terms related to the first question. If I am in a prepping stage of my life, then the question now becomes...what have I been doing to help prepare myself for the door that opens. And the question is a bit easier to answer. Well, in PREPARATION for the door to open, I guess I've been doing all I can so that when the door is finally opened, I can open it confidently and be ready for the challenges ahead. I am trying to gain a better understanding of what it is to be an adult and to slowly have that umbellical cord cut away from my parents. To learn responsibility for everything I say, do, and have. And probably most importantly, just to learn patience...and everything patience entails...
3) Where am I going?
Ooooh...this has to be the toughest one...because I don't know the answer to it. That all depends on questions 1 and 2...which door opens up, and how ready will I be when that door opens. I know where I WANT to go...and hopefully that plays a part in the next stage of my life. When the day comes to and end...I want to come home from a job doing what I enjoy...to a happy wife and kids. They will be happy because I never spend too much time at work, and because I never bring it home. And I always make it a point that family comes first...How far ahead this is...I would say, pretty far into the distant future. It's not even a blip on the radar yet...well see what the man in the mirror looks like 5 years from now...
Gonna be "ballzy" and actually make the call tonight...
Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
-Benjamin Franklin
Tsk tsk tsk
I've been guilty of doing the big no-no and comparing myself to others. It's so funny because I hate jealousy...yet here I am, being envious. Hey, I'm human, I'm not perfect...so I'm jealous, okay? But what am I jealous of? I'm jealous of the stability and security that everyone else around me has. They all have somewhat stable jobs...or are going to school...dadadadda. Some
have things I wish I had...not material posessions...just...THINGS. Anyway, I'm jealous of the way they feel...in a sense...but I know this is only a feeling and as with all feelings...it'll pass...
A Look in the Mirror...
I've got to admit that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...about my life, where I am, what I've been doing, and where I am headed. The first thought for all three of these things was, "I have no clue." And naturally, the heart starts to race, the mind spins, and I freak out...which lasts about 5-10 minutes. Then, after I settle down and easy my nerves...I slowly answer my own questions...
1) Where am I?
At this particular stage of my life, I realize now that I am in a sort of prepping stage for the next chapter of my life. I'm in the hallway, waiting for the door to open into my next journey. So, things would generally be up in the air, and it would be completely normal to feel as if I was freefalling, not knowing what was going to happen next...the sort-of calm-before-the-storm feeling, so I just have to be patient...and keep praying for patience when I feel like it's running thin...
2) What have I been doing?
When I came to this question, I didn't really know now to answer it. All my life? Last year? Or recently? Well, I came to the conclusion, that at this stage of my life...I would need to answer it in terms related to the first question. If I am in a prepping stage of my life, then the question now becomes...what have I been doing to help prepare myself for the door that opens. And the question is a bit easier to answer. Well, in PREPARATION for the door to open, I guess I've been doing all I can so that when the door is finally opened, I can open it confidently and be ready for the challenges ahead. I am trying to gain a better understanding of what it is to be an adult and to slowly have that umbellical cord cut away from my parents. To learn responsibility for everything I say, do, and have. And probably most importantly, just to learn patience...and everything patience entails...
3) Where am I going?
Ooooh...this has to be the toughest one...because I don't know the answer to it. That all depends on questions 1 and 2...which door opens up, and how ready will I be when that door opens. I know where I WANT to go...and hopefully that plays a part in the next stage of my life. When the day comes to and end...I want to come home from a job doing what I enjoy...to a happy wife and kids. They will be happy because I never spend too much time at work, and because I never bring it home. And I always make it a point that family comes first...How far ahead this is...I would say, pretty far into the distant future. It's not even a blip on the radar yet...well see what the man in the mirror looks like 5 years from now...
Gonna be "ballzy" and actually make the call tonight...
Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
-Benjamin Franklin
posted by lil jay at
1:08 PM
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